my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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