Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
