You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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