I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize