so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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