so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
