Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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