it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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