i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize