You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
