dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
