I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
