got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize