there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
