perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
