I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
