Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
