Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
