she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
