Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
