wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
