I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
