he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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