there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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