No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
