She's JV to your varsity
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize