think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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