he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
