Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
