just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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