I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
