dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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