I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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