I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
