I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
