What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
