Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
