How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
