you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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