Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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