I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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