I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
