oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
