I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
