worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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