once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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