I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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