apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
