you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
last night I used snow as a chaser
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