i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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