Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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