just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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