i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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