If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
