The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
