Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
