He uses pillows to masturbate.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
