why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
