If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
