Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry meeeeow hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(917): View more from New York City

He disabled his match.com account in front of me

Fav 7 1767 875
share tweet
(909): View more from California

I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.

Fav 39 1108 6767
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(517): View more from Michigan

Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.

Fav 25 4628 1892
share tweet
(803): View more from South Carolina

I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on

Fav 43 9971 1405
share tweet
(707): View more from California

I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.

Fav 26 4674 1449
share tweet
(252): View more from North Carolina

I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.

Fav 12 5534 1082
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(512): View more from Texas

If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.

Fav 11 4738 962
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(818): View more from California

I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.

Fav 3 806 609
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(707): View more from California

I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs

Fav 0 20 48
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT