i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
