This girl is more easily done than said...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
