your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
