So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
