maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
