Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
