I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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