Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
