i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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