Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize