Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
this is an emotional support booty call
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
