so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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