Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize