Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
