Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
