Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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