You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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