How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
