I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I use my feet as sexual weapons
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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