i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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