i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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