3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
