I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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