I accidentally had phone sex last night
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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