I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
