Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
this just has baby written all over it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
