Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
