Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
