Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
