ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
