I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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