I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
