I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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