Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
