It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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