You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
