2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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