she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
