This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
