Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
