Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
