I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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