whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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