we have pet lesbian snakes
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
