I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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