Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
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