I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
