I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How external is "for external use only"?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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